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Partner of an addict

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...he had no idea what destruction he was causing...

I met my partner at a friend’s wedding and although we had mutual friends we had never crossed paths before. He asked me for my number and feeling that there was something profoundly good about him, I willingly passed it along. He took some time to call but did and we set a date to get together. He stood me up.

That should have been my first clue. He boldly asked for another date and I hesitantly accepted. We began a romance. It was so easy and the deeper human connection was so strong that he eventually moved in but this was the beginning of my awakening and his decline into seriously dangerous addiction. He began to disappear for long periods of time often leaving me to care for his three small children all under the age of ten. He would come and go and I was slightly oblivious to what was actually happening when he was absent. I assumed it was all work involved until he began returning home at odd hours in an obvious state of altered consciousness.

As the addiction progressed it became harder for him to hide. He had become a master of deception and although I had my suspicions I didn’t have any proof. In retrospect it was clear as day. I eventually lost all interest in living that way with him, always worrying if he would return and managing his life without him so I told him he better find help or I would be gone. This apparently hit him like a bombshell. He had no idea what destruction he was causing. Thankfully the ultimatum helped him pick up the phone and we made it to a preliminary meeting with the staff at Andy’s House to discuss treatment.

The afternoon he was set to enter into treatment he disappeared and we eventually found him in a bar, in deep despair but ready to stop running.

The feeling was that he was so deep into his addiction that he would not likely give in fully to treatment. With the absolute heartfelt dedication of one staff member in particular assigned to his case, he slowly transformed into the man hiding underneath the addiction. Within three months he had his joy for life restored and was attending regular AA meetings.He then returned to work and began to pick up the pieces.

Now, eighteen sober years later he remains a wonderful example, especially to his five children, of what is possible if you try.

My utmost gratitude to Glenn for showing him the way.